There’s something interesting about being a modern woman.
We have never been more encouraged to choose ourselves, protect our peace and know our worth. We are told to have standards, to never settle and to become the best version of ourselves.
Yet when it comes to love, many of us have become surprisingly good at doing the opposite.
Settling.
Not always because we don’t know what we deserve, but because sometimes wanting more feels vulnerable. Admitting that we want romance, commitment and someone who chooses us intentionally can feel almost embarrassing in a dating culture that rewards being “chill.”
We convince ourselves that we don’t need the flowers, the planned dates or the little gestures that make us feel special. We tell ourselves we’re happy keeping things casual, that we’re not looking for anything serious and that we’re simply enjoying the moment.
And maybe for some people, that is completely true.
But I can’t help but wonder: how many of us are genuinely choosing casual dating because it aligns with what we want and how many of us are choosing it because admitting we want more feels too risky?
When Did Wanting Romance Become Uncool?
There was a time when wanting romance wasn’t something women felt the need to downplay.
Wanting someone to plan a thoughtful date. Wanting flowers for no reason. Wanting someone who couldn’t wait to introduce you to their world. Wanting to feel chosen, not just desired in the moment.
These things were never considered unrealistic. They were simply seen as part of falling in love.
But somewhere along the way, modern dating taught us to be careful with our expectations. We learnt to avoid seeming too interested, too available or too emotionally invested.
The “cool girl” became the woman who never cared too much. The woman who could walk away easily. The woman who never needed reassurance because needing anything was seen as a weakness.
And maybe there is a reason that version of womanhood became so appealing. If you don’t admit you care, then nobody can accuse you of caring too much. If you don’t ask for more, then nobody can disappoint you by not giving it.
But perhaps there is a difference between protecting your heart and hiding it.
Wanting love does not make you less independent. Wanting effort does not mean you lack confidence. Wanting someone to show up for you does not mean you cannot stand on your own.
Maybe we have confused being strong with never allowing ourselves to be loved.
The Rise Of Casual Dating
Hookup culture has become a defining part of modern dating.
With dating apps, social media and changing attitudes around relationships, casual connections have become easier to find and more openly accepted than ever before.
And honestly? There is nothing wrong with that.
The truth is, not everyone is searching for the same thing. Some people genuinely enjoy casual dating. They enjoy the freedom, the excitement and the ability to experience connection without the expectations that come with a committed relationship.
For some people, it works perfectly.
But the conversation becomes more complicated when we stop looking at what everyone else is doing and start looking inward.
Because the question is not whether hookup culture is good or bad.
The question is whether it is right for you.
There is a difference between choosing something because it genuinely makes you happy and choosing something because it feels easier than admitting what your heart actually wants.
When Casual Stops Feeling Casual
The complicated thing about emotions is that they rarely follow the rules we create for ourselves.
You can enter something believing you are completely fine keeping it casual. You can tell yourself you don’t need labels, commitment or anything deeper than the moment you are sharing.
Until suddenly, you realise you want more.
Maybe you start hoping they will ask you on a proper date. Maybe you want them to check in on you because they genuinely care. Maybe you realise that while you enjoy the connection, what you truly crave is intention.
Not just someone wanting your time.
Someone choosing it.
And perhaps that is where many people find themselves conflicted. Sometimes we don’t accept less because less is what we truly want. Sometimes we accept less because having a small piece of someone feels better than the possibility of having nothing at all.
Ariana Grande once sang, “I’d rather your body than half of your heart.”
And maybe that lyric resonates because it captures something many people have experienced: the feeling of wanting someone so much that you convince yourself a part of them is enough, even when a part of you knows you are longing for the whole thing.
The Samantha Jones Paradox
When we talk about women who embrace hookup culture, one fictional character often comes to mind: Samantha Jones from Sex and the City.
Played by Kim Cattrall, Samantha became one of television’s most iconic characters because she was confident, independent and completely unapologetic about her sexuality. She knew what she wanted, she embraced her freedom, and she never allowed society to make her feel ashamed of her choices.
That is exactly what made her so captivating.
But perhaps the most interesting thing about Samantha is not that she didn’t need love.
It is that she knew herself.
She never pretended to want something she didn’t. She was honest about her desires and she never changed herself to fit someone else’s expectations.
Maybe that is the real lesson we can take from Samantha Jones.
Not that every woman should approach relationships the same way she did, but that every woman deserves to be honest with herself about what she wants.
Because independence and romance are not opposites.
A woman can love her freedom and still crave intimacy. She can be confident in her sexuality and still dream about a love story. She can enjoy casual experiences and still want something deeper.
The problem is not whether women want different things.
The problem is when we stop being honest about what those things are.
So… Is Hookup Culture For You?
Maybe hookup culture is exactly what some people want.
Maybe it gives them the freedom, experiences and connections they are looking for at this stage of their lives.
And if that is true, there is nothing wrong with that.
But maybe for others, the question is not whether hookup culture works. Maybe the question is whether they are genuinely fulfilled by it or whether they are simply trying to convince themselves they are.
Are you choosing this because it makes you happy?
Or are you choosing it because asking for more feels frightening?
Because in a world full of situationships, blurred lines and almost relationships, perhaps the most empowering thing we can do is stop performing the version of ourselves we think people will accept.
Maybe we don’t need to become the woman who wants nothing.
Maybe we just need to become the woman who is brave enough to admit what she wants.
Because some of us don’t just want to watch love happen.
We want to experience it.
And maybe the most romantic thing a modern woman can do is stop apologising for wanting a love story of her own.