The Pressure to Have It All in Your 20s
When did our twenties become a deadline?
There always seems to be something we’re supposed to be doing in our twenties.
Building a career. Finding the right relationship. Maintaining friendships. Saving money. Travelling more. Getting fitter. Moving out. Glowing up.
Somewhere along the way, our twenties stopped feeling like a decade of discovery and started feeling like a race against the clock.
Maybe that’s why so many of us feel behind. Not because we’re actually failing, but because we’ve convinced ourselves there is a timeline we’re supposed to be following.
The problem is, nobody seems to agree on what that timeline actually looks like.
The Twenties We Were Sold On Screen
There is something oddly comforting about watching fictional people in their twenties.
They always seem to have the apartment, the career, the wardrobe and somehow enough time to meet their friends for coffee in the middle of the day.
Whether it’s the ambitious fashion assistant, the successful city girl or the perfectly polished twenty-something who somehow has her dream apartment by twenty-five, we’re often shown a version of our twenties that feels exciting, glamorous and completely under control.
The only problem?
Real life rarely looks like that.
Careers take unexpected turns. Relationships end. Friendships change. Sometimes the plan you had at twenty-two looks completely different by twenty-seven.
And while films usually wrap everything up neatly by the final scene, most of us are still figuring things out long after the credits would have rolled.
The truth is, nobody has it all figured out. Some people are just better at making it look that way.
Social Media’s Favourite Illusion
Films convinced us our twenties would be glamorous. Social media convinced us everyone else is already living them perfectly.
Open any app and you’ll find somebody announcing a promotion, moving into a new apartment, getting engaged or boarding a flight to a destination you’ve been meaning to visit for years. After a while, it can start to feel like everyone is moving forward while you’re standing still.
Of course, we know social media only shows a highlight reel. Most people understand that logically.
The problem is that comparison is not always logical.
It’s easy to look at somebody’s perfectly curated morning routine and wonder why yours feels so chaotic. It’s easy to see somebody your age buying a home and question your own progress. It’s easy to forget that behind every polished post is a real person with bad days, insecurities and unanswered questions of their own.
Social media has a way of turning other people’s milestones into our deadlines.
And before we know it, we’re measuring our lives against a version of reality that was never complete to begin with.
The Timeline We Invented
Somewhere along the way, many of us created an invisible checklist for our twenties.
By a certain age, we’re supposed to have the career figured out, the relationship secured, the savings account growing and a clear idea of where our life is heading.
The problem is that nobody ever seems to agree on what the timeline actually is.
For some people, success means buying a home. For others, it’s travelling the world, building a business or simply finding a career they enjoy. Yet despite how different our goals can be, many of us still carry the same fear of falling behind.
Behind who exactly, we’re not always sure.
Maybe that is because there is no universal timeline. Life moves at different speeds for different people, and what feels like a delay to one person might be exactly the right path for somebody else.
The pressure comes from believing there is only one correct way to spend your twenties.
The reality is that there isn’t.
The Race Nobody Wins
Perhaps the biggest misconception about your twenties is that they’re supposed to be your finished product.
As though by a certain age, you’re expected to have the answers, the confidence and a perfectly mapped-out plan for the future.
But for most people, their twenties are not a decade of certainty. They’re a decade of trial and error. Of changing your mind, making mistakes, starting over and figuring out what actually matters to you.
And maybe that’s exactly what they are supposed to be.
Not a race to reach every milestone as quickly as possible, but an opportunity to learn, grow and build a life that feels right for you.
Because despite what social media, films and other people’s timelines might suggest, there is no prize for getting there first.
The truth is, life is not a competition and your twenties are not a deadline.
this is so needed 🤍 i’ve been feeling like i’ve failed at life since my early 20s
A really nice piece and a good reminder that 20s aren't everything.
Having just started my 20s, the checklist pressure is real. The next ten years feel so long, which makes me think about everything I should ideally do. But I'm trying to ground myself; life isn't ideal and it always throws its own curveballs.