Do you ever feel like you have so many places to go, yet every morning you wake up in the exact same location?
It sounds almost ridiculous when you say it out loud. After all, you’re not stuck. If you lift your arm, it moves. If you move your legs, they carry you forward. There is nothing physically stopping you from getting up, walking out the door and changing something.
And yet, somehow, you can have complete control over your body and still feel completely powerless over your life.
There are dreams that feel so vivid they almost seem like memories from a life you haven’t lived yet. The career. The city. The wardrobe. The version of yourself who seems to have finally figured it all out. You can see her so clearly.
The problem is getting from here to her.
Because sometimes it feels like everything is taking so long.
There is always another person saying, trust the process. Another quote about how success doesn’t happen overnight. Another reminder that if you’re going through hell, you might as well keep going because why would you stop in hell?
Once upon a time, these things were comforting.
Now they can feel almost insulting.
If only it were that simple.
If only motivation could be summoned on command. If only knowing what you want was the same thing as knowing exactly how to get there. If only every morning came with enough energy to become the person you promised yourself you would be.
Instead, there are days when the alarm goes off and the grand plans seem strangely far away.
The whimsical girl is still in there somewhere. She hasn’t disappeared. She still wants the beautiful life, the spontaneous plans, the interesting work, the romantic moments, the little adventures and the feeling that something exciting is always about to happen.
But it is difficult to live in a fairytale when you wake up in reality every single day.
And perhaps that’s the part nobody talks about when they tell you to dream bigger.
Dreaming is easy.
It is the space between the dream and reality that can make you question everything.
Because the most frustrating part is knowing that the dream is possible.
Other people are living it.
There is something almost cruel about scrolling through your phone and seeing someone else casually existing inside the life you’ve spent years imagining. They have the career. They moved away. They built the business. They travelled. They became the person they always said they would become.
And instead of thinking, good for her, a tiny voice asks:
If she can do it, why can’t I?
It isn’t jealousy, exactly.
It’s recognition.
She is proof that the thing you’ve been calling a dream is actually a possible reality.
Which should be motivating.
Sometimes, it is.
Other times, it makes the distance between where you are and where you want to be feel even bigger.
Then comes the guilt.
I’m not doing enough.
There are so many things to do. So many ideas. So many plans. So many tabs open in your brain that even deciding which one to start with feels exhausting.
And then, somehow, another day passes.
You didn’t do everything. You didn’t become wildly successful overnight. You didn’t suddenly wake up as the most disciplined, productive, perfectly put-together version of yourself. And the cycle begins again: you want more, feel behind, make a plan, lose motivation, feel guilty, promise tomorrow will be different, and repeat.
Sometimes it helps to zoom out.
We are, after all, living on a floating rock in the middle of an incomprehensibly large universe.
Which raises the obvious question:
Why are we putting this much pressure on ourselves?
Why does one unproductive afternoon feel like a character flaw? Why does being twenty-something and uncertain feel like we’re somehow failing at life? Why have we convinced ourselves that every year needs to be a dramatic transformation?
Maybe life isn’t supposed to feel like one long upward trajectory. Maybe there are seasons where you run, seasons where you wander, seasons where you stop and seasons where you have absolutely no idea which direction you’re facing.
The problem is that knowing this doesn’t necessarily make the feeling disappear.
You can understand that you’re young and have time. You can understand that nobody has it all figured out. You can understand that success isn’t linear. You can understand that your life isn’t behind schedule.
And still wake up tomorrow and wonder:
So why am I still here?
Maybe there isn’t a neat answer.
Maybe sometimes the person who desperately wants a different life is also the person who desperately needs a break from trying to build it.
Maybe being unmotivated doesn’t always mean you’re lazy. Maybe sometimes it means you’re overwhelmed. Maybe it means the version of success you’ve been chasing needs to be questioned. Or maybe you’re simply human, and humans are not machines designed to convert ambition into achievement overnight.
The strange thing about wanting more is that it can make the present feel inadequate.
You can have so much to look forward to and still feel sad about where you are. You can be grateful and restless, hopeful and exhausted, ambitious and completely unmotivated, all at the same time.
Perhaps the goal isn’t to become the girl who has everything figured out. Perhaps it’s to become the girl who keeps moving, even when the movement is almost embarrassingly small.
I know you’re probably expecting me to end this article with a “you can do it!” or “keep doing it unmotivated, I believe in you!” But I think this piece is different. Instead of saying I believe in you, I’m going to end this article by saying: I understand you. I feel you. I have been there. Wanting everything yet feeling like you’re doing nothing.
So if you ever feel lonely, remember this article. Remember that out of 8 billion people, at least one, me, understands you and can relate.
I hope you find comfort in that.
beautifully written and captures such a unique feeling I know all too well!!